I’m done…
I’m not sure what kind of person I am anymore. I’m trying to be a better person, but I have so much anger built up inside of me… it’s hard, it really is. I hold grudges, and I will never let my guard down… not for anyone the line “I will never hurt you.” is bull shit. my mom has hurt me, so what makes you think you’re my gonna hurt me? I’m so used to being treated like crap. I expect bad things to happen to me. Instead of good you know what they say hope for the best but expect the worse. I let people take advantage of me sometimes and I’m done with that I’m trying to be a better person but I feel like I’m becoming into the person I never wanted to be. maybe that’s a good thing? but when I over think that it’s not because the person I was when I was happy wasn’t thinking about parting or hanging out with guys I was simply a girl who wanted to have fun with girl friends and not care about those things. I’ve always been insecure with myself and I still feel the same I let
people tell me I’m fat and ugly and I think it’s true… I act like I don’t care but truth is I just care too much, I am trying to change myself for everyone else instead of doing this for me… I want to be pretty and skinny and not be insecure and wear things skinny girls do but I’m no where near that. i’m sure I’m probably setting myself 1,000 steps back but what does it matter? as long as I keep a smile on my face and act like nothing’s wrong people won’t care or wont even notice anything is wrong with me… i screwed up so much just in one day i lost the person who truly understood me and seen the world as i did i may never find another person like that i cry myself to sleep hoping everything will be okay again but it wont.. i fucked up. I just want this to all end I don’t want to be this I don’t know who I am anymore I can’t keep on pretending i’m fine and holding everything in till I go to bed and cry about it it’s hurting me more… I want to be happy again is that to much to ask for…
